Never Again
by Hamano Chiaki
Summary: Tsuna hosts his first ever mafia party at the Vongola HQ. With the Vongola Guardians, you never know what will happen! For the Writing Contest on FB :D


**Hot darn! It's so hard to keep my focus on this 3k word one-shot! But, it's finally done! *jumps for joy* - u - I tried to be funny and all in here, but I don't think it's too funny (LOL.) and the characters are a little out of whack and etc… Anyway, read on!**

Requirements

Theme: Tsuna hosts his first ever mafia party at the Vongola HQ. The rest of the details are up to you.

Genre: Any except romance.

Pairings: None.

Rating: K through M.

Minimum length: Three thousand words.

Maximum length: Thirty thousand words.

- V -

Never Again

It's been bugging him all week. _He should've known!_

"Jyuudaime?" A frantic, gruff voice calls out from the other side of his barricaded door.

His hand shakes as he picks up his cup of tea and sips on the warm, calming liquid. The small cup clinks on the bedside table beside the young Don as he places it down once more. The brunet rests his elbows on his knees, seated at the edge of his king-sized bed. _Forgive me, Gokudera-kun._

There is a thump as something charges at his door. Shots follow up soon after, causing the brunet to pale considerably. It was definitely a wise choice to get a tough and bullet-proof door.

"Maa, maa, Tsuna! Come on out, the guests are waiting!" _I'm sorry, Yamamoto..._

"Dame-Tsuna, if you don't come out of the room in twenty seconds, there'll be chaos to pay!" _I'm sorry, Reborn, but there'll still be chaos even if I do come out._

The shots are louder now, as Reborn's bullets drill into the wood. Vongola's young Don steps away from his bed and towards his window, pushing the glass panes of the window open. The evening's chilly breeze wafts into the room. He puts a leg through the open window and sits on the ledge as he turns to look at the door which had gone suspiciously silent.

_Forgive me, everyone, but-_

Hands grab hold of his arms.

They lift him up.

A _manly_ shriek.

He's held at gunpoint. A tonfa digs into the small of his back. A trident hovers dangerously near his neck.

"Dame-Tsuna...!" A venomous tone.

"B-b-ut-!"

"Quit your stuttering, herbivore." He's been demoted after a decade of his blood, sweat and effort!

"But I-!"

"it was very naughty to try and escape us, Tsunayoshi, kufufufu~" _Oh dear, excessive fu's!_

"B-butIdon'thaveasuit!"

- O -

With the skilful hands of a certain brunette named Haru, Tsuna is measured, and fitted into a white suit with a black dress shirt and a black rose tucked in his breast pocket. As the woman picks up a white fedora to complete his outfit for the night, he is dragged away by a pair of hands.

The fedora is pushed roughly onto his mess of hair and is stuck fast over his eyes. With much effort, Tsuna manages to remove the hat and he is immediately blinded by bright lights.

A light shove.

The Don is sent tripping into a mildly lit room and immediately sprayed with cologne. He sneezes and coughs, but doesn't get the chance to catch his breath as a strong and warm hand grabs hold of his arm, and drags him on another run. Tsuna keeps a firm hold on his fedora hat.

A sudden halt.

Tsuna crashes into a back. The familiar gentle patting of his cheeks and adjustment to his fedora has Tsuna recognizing the person as Chrome. He opens his eyes, unsure as of when he had closed them, and smiles gently at his only female Guardian. He offers her his left arm and she entwines hers by the elbow.

"Ready, Jyuudaime?"

A slight nod. A bright smile. A bright and nervous smile.

Doors open.

"Good evening, honoured guests."

- N -

_So far so good._ Tsuna shoots one of his "boss smile" at the mafia Dons.

It's been nearly two hours since the party had started and there hasn't been any disruption. His Guardians are behaving, Reborn is lurking in the west corner of the ballroom and there hasn't been any guns triggering within the crowd.

"Ciao, Nono. Guardians." Tsuna smiles warmly at the ex Vongola boss, earning a smile and the crinkling of his eyes. "I hope you are enjoying yourselves tonight."

"This is a splendid celebration, Tsunayoshi. Very splendid, indeed." Timoteo raises his glass of red wine and Tsuna clinks his' against the aged man.

**THWIP!**

Glass shatters.

Crimson stains his cuffs.

Screams and yells, an uproar amongst the crowd.

"Jyuudaime!"

Gokudera stumbles as a body is pushed towards him. Nono is in his arms. A stained white suit. _Jyuudaime!_

- G -

A white room.

"Jeez, it's not that bad..." He yelps at the bandage on his injured hand is tightened.

"Not that bad?" Emerald green eyes are stormy with rage. " You could've been killed, Jyuudaime!"

Tsuna scratches the back of his neck with his left hand and smiles sheepishly at his right-hand man, who is currently bandaging his right hand. Honestly, it isn't such a big thing.

"It's only a bruise and it's not like a pea can kill me, right?"

"That stupid cow!" Gokudera grumbles hotly. "His younger self just had to switch tonight!"

They begin their way back to the ballroom.

An arm slings around Gokudera's shoulders. Carefree laughter.

"Maa, maa, Hayato!" A bright grin from the swordsman. "Little Lambo can't help it!"

Tsuna sends the silver-haired man a look and said man grumbles lightly at the taller swordsman. The young brunet tugs at his black dress shirt, his white tuxedo top has been sent to wash as the red wine will leave a stain, undoes his tie and opens up a couple of buttons at his collar.

He enters the ballroom once more, hearing whispers and murmurs trailing from the crowd. He looks around and they seem to be staring at him. Tsuna panics quietly and looks around him, his eyes widening in alarm.

_I-pin's Pinzu time bomb!_

I-pin from a decade ago is clinging onto the back of his shirt as the timer counts down to three figures. Gokudera and Ryohei emerge from the crowd to help Tsuna as Hibari walks away to a corner. Yamamoto pushes the fumbling trio out of the ballroom while Mukuro and Chrome casts an illusion.

The guests chuckle lightly when all they see is Gokudera and Ryohei trying to grab hold of younger I-pin, only to have the young child in Tsuna's arms. A pink puff of smoke and the child is replaced with a teenaged Chinese girl.

No one heard the explosion that occurred.

- O -

After a quick shower and a quick change into an orange dress shirt and a pair of black slacks, Tsuna is out and into the ballroom once more. _It's time to dance!_

For the first dance, Tsuna is to dance with Kyoko. As he twirls her around, grateful for Reborn's Spartan dance training, the other mafia Dons join in with their spouses and partners. Once the song is over, Kyoko is switched with Haru.

The brunette giggles and smiles at her long-time crush, their fingers entwined as they dance to the slow tempo. It's going well until a certain raven decides to rage about his meal. As Xanxus throws a fit, the fork to his left is sent flying towards the pianist.

Pianist is knocked out with a dramatic clash of piano keys.

- L -

The party returns to its calm and fun-filled ambiance with a hot-headed Storm Guardian as the replacement for the unconscious pianist. Whilst Gokudera's fingers fly across the piano keys, little Lambo decides to make his appearance once more.

In the far east corner of the room, Hibari's thirst for bloodshed is peaking. Having to "crowd" with the guests is bad enough. Having disruptions from the cow is worse. Having said cow to reappear is worst, and Hibari simply cannot withstand this idiotic celebration.

So, he walks out of the ballroom.

Tarnishing the name of Vongola would mean tarnishing his own.

- A -

Soon after the Cloud left, said Cloud returns once more and takes Lambo out with a quick swipe to the head. Lambo crashes into the buffet table, where the Lambo of this decade returns to find himself in a messy ordeal. Then, he left again.

- D -

With the violent Cloud out, the Lightning in a mess and the Storm subdued to play the piano, the party is somewhat peaceful. A little too peaceful. Tsuna's intuition is running wild. Seated at a round table reserved for Vongola, Tsuna turns green at the sight of his meal.

_He should've expected this..._

The young Don looks around the entire ballroom and pales when no one, with the exception of those at the Vongola table minus one oblivious brunette also known as his mother, realizes the impending death that awaits them in the form of foul-smelling spaghetti with the potential of corroding any surface.

Tsuna snaps towards the amethyst-haired woman, growling under his breath as she looks away in efforts of looking innocent. Honestly, Bianchi! Fortunately he's prepared for such occurrences. Preparing a smile, he taps the shoulder of the ever cheerful woman beside him.

"Kaa-san, do you think you could cook up something delicious for the guests?" Tsuna whispers into his mother's ear. "I want to give them a taste of Japan."

Nana immediately brightens up at her son's request, seeing as he doesn't ask for much, and she would love to help with cooking! As the woman bustles off to the kitchen, Tsuna quickly sends a signal to Yamamoto with a couple of finger snaps. The Rain Guardian grins at him, sending him a thumbs up before going into action.

- E -

As the Don of the Astaria Famiglia raises his mouthful of spaghetti to his lips, a sudden breeze brushes by and his fork is sliced, the spaghetti corroding the fork. He and everyone else at the table pale drastically as the fork falls onto the table, melting the cloth and the sturdy wood underneath. They pale further when they realize their plates have corroded as well.

Tsuna steps to the center of the room, aware of the terror among the guests.

A snap of fingers.

Illusion.

"Woah!"

Women squeal and pull their at their gowns in efforts of covering themselves as every guest in vicinity floats up into the air. They are somewhat irked yet thrilled at the new experience, one that only Vongola could give.

"Ufu~"

Soft giggles can be heard as small orbs of light dash to and fro, and in between the guests. Over and under, of every shape and colour. Some land on shoulders, others on heads and the cheeky ones on noses. Fascination and wonder are peaked within them as they are obliviously caught within Mukuro and Chrome's illusions.

Meanwhile, the maids and butlers are hurrying around the ballroom. With experienced and fluid motions, they remove the ruined table top along with the dishes that were served. A newer tabletop is put into place and a piping bowls of ramen are served.

Two snaps of fingers.

"Uwah!"

They are brought out of their illusions and the delicious scent of noodles waft around the room. Murmurs of confusion and wonder escape lips as the guests pick up the chopsticks. A ring of a bell brings them out of their confusion.

"Ara~ I hope you enjoy the ramen!"

She spoke in Japanese, leaving the rest who are unfamiliar with the language at a loss. As the brunette woman returns to her seat, the guests observe the occupants of the Vongola table in wonder as they manage to pick up the noodles with just a pair of sticks. _Grande (Great)! Sorprendente (Amazing)!_ Curious and eager, they test out new waters with their newfound utensils.

- C -

The Don of the Belatin Famiglia successfully picks up a couple of noodles and raises his chopsticks to his mouth. Only to have them slip from grasp and splash into the soup. Others snicker but soon find themselves in a similar situation.

Noodles slip.

Soup splashes.

Noodles slip.

Soup splashes.

It is the same sequence, repeating over and over again. Those smart enough have request for a soup spoon. Those smarter request for a fork and spoon.

_What a messy ordeal!_

- I -

As the meal goes on, it is too peaceful for nothing to happen. As if on cue, Ryohei decides on a whim that Tsuna cannot _extremely_ marry his sister unless he beats the boxer in an _extreme_ ramen eating contest.

"Extreme, Sawada!" Ryohei grins enthusiastically at the smaller brunet.

"O-onii-chan!" Kyoko exclaims. Honestly, why now, of all times?

Tsuna smiles weakly at the energetic man. He has never been a big eater, due to his late mornings and light breakfast during his adolescence, and his current bowl of ramen is already a rather difficult task to consume.

"I'll pass-"

"I won't take "NO" for an _extreme_ answer, Sawada!"

"But I don't-"

Tsuna is interrupted as his "onii-san" grasps hold of his hands, eyes shining bright. He lifts the brunet up with practiced ease.

"You don't have to go easy on me, Sawada! I'm _extremely_ good at eating!"

Tsuna's poker face slides onto his face as he panics quietly. _It's not you but I who needs to be let easy on!_

However, Ryohei is already at the kitchen, telling the chefs to prepare two extra large bowls of Nana's ramen!

- M -

_Gulp._

"Chaos."

That is the cue to start.

As Ryohei gobbles and slurps down the noodles, Tsuna picks up and chews on a mouthful, not feeling happy to have to eat such a big bowl. He can't bring himself to leave it be even though he cannot eat anymore. _Nana wouldn't be happy to have her son waste precious food after all!_

"Ufwoh, Shafwada!" Ryohei swallows his mouthful of noodles. "You are _extremely _relaxed!"

As minutes turn to an hour, neither are done with their noodles and Ryohei seems to be slowing down. Tsuna is slowly making his way through the noodles, reaching the last strands at the bottom of the bowl. He only thinks of Kyoko as a sister, nothing more but the Sasagawa siblings seem to be misunderstanding. Kyoko is much more subtle compared to her brother.

"Jyuudaime wins!"

Tsuna jumps in his seat as crackers are popped, confetti and streamers sprinkle all around his head. _What?_ Indeed, what? The young Don looks down at his bowl and is confused when he sees that he is still not done with his bowl.

"Wh-what?"

"Tch, Lawn Head is too full to finish his bowl and passed out." Gokudera folds his arms across his chest. "He already ate two bowls beforehand!"

Sure enough, the Sun Guardian's head is dunked into the huge bowl of noodles (mostly soup) as Kyoko and Yamamoto quickly help him up before he drowns in soup.

"O-Onii-chan!"

Tsuna frowns at Ryohei's insistence of holding the eating contest despite having eaten a lot before hand. He slurps up the noodles he's had in between his chopsticks, his hands fishing for more noodles instinctively. However, his chopsticks clink against the porcelain bottom of the bowl. _Eh?_

"Jyuudaime finished the bowl! As expected of Jyuudaime!"

Claps thunder all around the ballroom from the guests as cheers and hoots echo from them. Tsuna can hear the slivers of, "Vongola is invincible!" and "Couldn't have pulled it off, if it were me!". Tsuna's eyes twitch slightly as a nervous smile takes place on his lips.

He pales slightly.

Stomach protesting the over consumption of food.

Don't.

Puke.

Will.

Not.

Tsuna dashes out of his seat and out of the ballroom.

Puke.

- O -

After a couple of courses of food, the party is over. As the other Dons are ushered out, they thank the Guardians (who are apologizing for the Decimo's lack of appearance) and wish the Decimo gets better soon.

- Omake -

Tsuna groans on his bed, his stomach still protesting although it's been two days since the party. A teapot filled with chamomile tea is placed on the bedside table with a small traditional Japanese cup.

Bouquets of carnations.

Bouquets of lilies.

Pink.

Yellow.

Scattered all around his room.

Greeting cards with get well soon wishes are embedded within the bouquets, sprayed with flowery perfumes. Tsuna groans as a migraine hits him. The scent of perfume and flowers combined with his ill stomach, it is chaos within him.

_This is worse than having a hangover!_

A knock on the door.

His right-hand man's head of silver-hair peeks through the small opening he had made. An apologetic look surfaces as he reveals another five bouquets in his arms. Not long after, Yamamoto enters too, holding five more.

"EXTREME!"

Ryohei bursts into the room in his casual clothes. A woman with auburn hair bursts in soon after.

"Onii-chan!" Kyoko exclaims. "You are unwell!"

"Sawada!" The energetic man, despite being unwell from eating too much, grabs hold of the brunet by the shoulders.

"I _extremely_ give you my blessing to marry Kyoko!"

Tsuna blushes.

Kyoko blushes.

"O-Onii-chan!"

Kyoko grabs hold of the back of Ryohei's shirt and drags him out, her _extreme_ Sasagawa strength emerging, her face a bright red. The door shuts behind them. Yamamoto and Gokudera stand in the sidelines beside their boss' bed, the bouquets still in their hands.

The door slams open once more.

"Vongola-"

**POOF!**

"Gyahahaha! What's with all the flowers, Dame-Tsuna?" A five-year-old child in a cow suit laughs boisterously as he wrecks the bouquets that was once in his current decade's arms.

Tsuna is, for once, grateful to have little Lambo wrecking things.

"Kufufu, it seems that you are receiving a lot of sympathy, Tsunayoshi-kun."

"Bossu, are you feeling better?"

Mukuro and Chrome stand at the doorway, little Lambo in Chrome's arms while her counterpart tries to make do with ten bouquets in his arms. Chrome was initially holding onto three of them, but Lambo jumped into her arms, leaving Mukuro with the flowers.

**POOF!**

Chrome stares at the fifteen-year-old Lambo in her arms who is at least half a head taller than her. She removes her arms from around the teen and takes some bouquets from her Mukuro-sama.

"Yare, yare…" The teen runs a hand through his curly locks. "Looks like my younger self ruined some of the bouquets…"

"It's okay, Lambo." Tsuna shoots the teen a tired smile. "There's too many in here anyway…"

All of a sudden, pink invades his vision as a bouquet of pink carnations is thrown at the Don. Hibari stands in a corner of the room, a total of eight bouquets in his arms, with Kusakabe, who has a total of six bouquets.

"Herbivore, I will bite you to death for causing disturbance two days ago." Steely eyes narrow at the brunet. "After you get better. I do not prey on the ill."

Five with Gokudera.

Five with Yamamoto.

Seven with Mukuro.

Three with Chrome.

Eight with Hibari.

Six with Kusakabe.

Tons of bouquets in his room.

"I am…never ever…hosting a party." The young Don groans and brings the blanket over his head. "Never again."

**Meh. I feel so unsatisfied with this! D: I want to write humor! Crack! CATNIP! - w - Anyway, review please! :D Your thoughts are appreciated! **

**Total: 3106 words (without requirements and ANs)  
**


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